Last Day of Pregnancy

I had an appointment with my midwife first thing in the morning yesterday, and she finally pulled the plug on my hopes for a med-free, birth center birth. I'm being induced at the hospital this evening. Sad face.

Things have been deteriorating over the last week. I have an awful, unbearably itchy PUPPS rash that started on my belly, but has spread to my arms and legs. A rash like this is sometimes an indicator that your liver is stressed and the toxins it is not able to cleanse from your blood have nowhere to go but up through your skin. Lovely.

In addition to being driven out of my mind by itching, there are some other indicators that things are not going well. For one, Snapdragon is still floating really high, not settling into my pelvis at all. She seems to be head-down, but was so far up that Joyce could not even reach her during my internal exam. I am a tiny bit effaced, but not dilated at all. Add that to the cyst, my low iron, and the fact that even Tufts thinks that she will be a 9-pounder, and there are just too many risk factors for the birth center. Snapdragon's eviction notice has been served.

Joyce gave us the option of being induced right away (Monday night) or waiting until Tuesday (today). We opted for Tuesday so that we have a bit of time to get our affairs in order, contact our families, and repack our bags for what will be a longer hospital stay than we were anticipating.

I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing and cried right after the appointment, but I am feeling resigned to the reality of it now. There are plenty of positives: We get to meet Snapdragon! No more waiting! No worrying about going into labor at an inconvenient time/place! Time to charge the camera and phones! Time for my parents to travel in a non-emergency fashion!

Still, I am feeling a little bummed that I have to go to the hospital and worried about the level of intervention I may be getting into. They'll start the induction with a 12-hr dose of Cervidil tonight. There's a chance that that will get everything started, but if it doesn't, they'll have to bring out the Pitocin. More worrying than the drugs is the fact that drugs mean constant fetal monitoring, IVs, etc. Not only will I not have the comfort of the birth center, where they have beds big enough for Pete to get in with me and whirlpool tubs for laboring, I may not even be able to walk around very much (depending on the monitor/IV situation). If I'm stuck on my back, I won't be able to make use of all of the pain-management strategies and positions that would allow me to cope with the pain and avoid the epidural.

I have to decide whether I am ok getting the epidural. While I don't want to abandon my plan, I also don't want to put myself in a situation where I have the worst of both worlds: all the pain of going med-free with none of the freedom to use coping strategies. There are lots of reasons why I don't want the epidural — groggy baby, higher risk of c-section, inability to walk — but I may need it if I can't use warm water and movement to get me through. If the induction goes smoothly enough that I can still have some freedom of movement, I think I'll be able to make it. If not, I have to be ok with accepting the epidural without feeling like a failure. I don't want it, but it may be the best option for my situation. I'll have to discuss this with the midwife and doula before they start the induction so that my final decision is not coming from a place of panic in the moment, but from reasoned, conscious choice.

So, wish me luck. I check in at 8:00 pm. If all goes well, I should have an outside baby by Wednesday night — Thursday morning at the latest.

Getting Sick

FB had a bad cold last week and I fear that I am coming down with it this week. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a groggy headache. Sad face.

I had hoped that Snapdragon might be born today (Talk Like a Pirate Day), but it looks like that is not going to happen. I still haven't had any noticeable contractions or mucus plugs fragments or any other signs of labor.

While I am impatient to meet Snapdragon, I'm not very excited about laboring or caring for a new baby with a cold as bad as the one FB had. Hopefully, whatever symptoms I have will run their course over the next few days and resolve themselves before Snapdragon makes her appearance. I wouldn't want her to get seriously sick in her first week of life because I have the sniffles.

Stupid Doctor's Appointment

I went to my appointment this morning, where the doctor checked my vitals, measured my belly, and shrugged at me. Yes, I have too much fluid, but there's not really anything anyone can do about that.

For the record, my belly is GIANT. When they measure it, the number of centimeters is supposed to correspond to the number of weeks (24 cm = 24 weeks pregnant, etc.). For most of the pregnancy, I was right on target, but around 35 weeks, I started measuring 1 or 2 cm bigger than expected (this was when they noticed the high fluid). Today, I measured 47 cm. For the love of all that is holy, get this baby out of me.

The doctor also told me that the weight estimate from yesterday's ultrasound was 9 lbs 14 oz, but that is bullshit. Snapdragon was moving around so much and was so uncooperative that I know that they did not get good measurements. Besides, the Tufts estimate from last Wednesday was 7 lbs 12 oz and I trust their staff and machines way more. The Tufts office specializes in obstetrical ultrasounds and sees all the high-risk patients, while the Cambridge Hospital radiology dept is an all-purpose unit that does everything from mammograms to gall bladder scans, so their technicians don't do growth ultrasounds all day long. I don't expect that Snapdragon is a tiny peanut, but there is no way she is a 10-pounder at this point.

The doctor did offer me a c-section, though. I declined.

So, I have a huge baby, extra fluid, and an itchy, stretched-to-the-max stomach. Still no progress with the whole effacement/dilation thing. Due date is in 5 days, but it is looking like that is not going to happen.

Side note: my blood pressure is 100/68. Does that sound too low to anyone else? I'm not running any marathons over here.

Ultrasound Update

I'm back from my unnecessary ultrasound, which (thankfully) turned out to be a super boring waste of my time. Everything looks fine/normal/the same, which is infinitely better than finding something new and exciting. Still, I had to get up early and drive into Boston for a test that probably didn't need to be done at all.

Snapdragon is up to 7 lbs, 12 oz (72nd percentile). The weight measurements from ultrasounds are notoriously unreliable, but since the 35-week ultrasound from this hospital put her in the 6-6.5 range, this recent estimate seems to be consistent. She's right on schedule.

It is getting really uncomfortable to stay on my back for any length of time, so I had to focus more on breathing than on watching the monitors, but I did get a few glimpses of Snapdragon's little face. Her feet and hands are definitely chubby — not the skeletor hands from earlier ultrasounds. The ultrasound technician even assured me that she could see hair on Snapdragon's head, though I couldn't see it. Plenty of babies are born at 38 weeks and look perfectly normal, but I still have a hard time believing that there is a fully-formed, ready-to-be-newborn baby living in my abdomen. It still seems rather abstract, even as I get my internal organs knocked around for hours every day.

The technician was not able to see whether my cervix has progressed at all, but my guess would be that it has not. I have felt no contractions, so I would be surprised if I am dilated much at all. I have an appt with my midwife tomorrow, but I don't know whether she will do an internal exam to check for progress. I could still be looking at up to a month more of this, so I'd better settle in.