Last Day of Pregnancy

I had an appointment with my midwife first thing in the morning yesterday, and she finally pulled the plug on my hopes for a med-free, birth center birth. I'm being induced at the hospital this evening. Sad face.

Things have been deteriorating over the last week. I have an awful, unbearably itchy PUPPS rash that started on my belly, but has spread to my arms and legs. A rash like this is sometimes an indicator that your liver is stressed and the toxins it is not able to cleanse from your blood have nowhere to go but up through your skin. Lovely.

In addition to being driven out of my mind by itching, there are some other indicators that things are not going well. For one, Snapdragon is still floating really high, not settling into my pelvis at all. She seems to be head-down, but was so far up that Joyce could not even reach her during my internal exam. I am a tiny bit effaced, but not dilated at all. Add that to the cyst, my low iron, and the fact that even Tufts thinks that she will be a 9-pounder, and there are just too many risk factors for the birth center. Snapdragon's eviction notice has been served.

Joyce gave us the option of being induced right away (Monday night) or waiting until Tuesday (today). We opted for Tuesday so that we have a bit of time to get our affairs in order, contact our families, and repack our bags for what will be a longer hospital stay than we were anticipating.

I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing and cried right after the appointment, but I am feeling resigned to the reality of it now. There are plenty of positives: We get to meet Snapdragon! No more waiting! No worrying about going into labor at an inconvenient time/place! Time to charge the camera and phones! Time for my parents to travel in a non-emergency fashion!

Still, I am feeling a little bummed that I have to go to the hospital and worried about the level of intervention I may be getting into. They'll start the induction with a 12-hr dose of Cervidil tonight. There's a chance that that will get everything started, but if it doesn't, they'll have to bring out the Pitocin. More worrying than the drugs is the fact that drugs mean constant fetal monitoring, IVs, etc. Not only will I not have the comfort of the birth center, where they have beds big enough for Pete to get in with me and whirlpool tubs for laboring, I may not even be able to walk around very much (depending on the monitor/IV situation). If I'm stuck on my back, I won't be able to make use of all of the pain-management strategies and positions that would allow me to cope with the pain and avoid the epidural.

I have to decide whether I am ok getting the epidural. While I don't want to abandon my plan, I also don't want to put myself in a situation where I have the worst of both worlds: all the pain of going med-free with none of the freedom to use coping strategies. There are lots of reasons why I don't want the epidural — groggy baby, higher risk of c-section, inability to walk — but I may need it if I can't use warm water and movement to get me through. If the induction goes smoothly enough that I can still have some freedom of movement, I think I'll be able to make it. If not, I have to be ok with accepting the epidural without feeling like a failure. I don't want it, but it may be the best option for my situation. I'll have to discuss this with the midwife and doula before they start the induction so that my final decision is not coming from a place of panic in the moment, but from reasoned, conscious choice.

So, wish me luck. I check in at 8:00 pm. If all goes well, I should have an outside baby by Wednesday night — Thursday morning at the latest.

Circumcision: Yea or Nay?

Snapdragon is a girl, so we will not have to make a decision re: circumcision this time around. Still, the topic comes up from time to time on forums and parenting sites, so I've thought a bit about my position.

In general, I think that questions of body modification should be left to the person inhabiting the body. Body modification runs a broad spectrum — from hair cuts/coloring to ear piercing to tattoos to sex reassignment surgery — and I think that it is difficult to decide what choices should be in the hands of the parents and which in the hands of the child before age 18. My general rule hinges on reversibility. A hair cut is reversible, so a parent can cut a 2-year-old's hair without doing irreparable harm. Ear piercings can close, but leave minor scars, so it should be the child's choice, but I would probably entrust that decision to a 6-yr-old. Body modifications that involve a higher risk of serious infection or are harder to reverse should probably wait until the child is a teen and can offer informed consent.

Since I believe in the importance of bodily autonomy, I would not circumcise an infant.

Here are some of the pro-circumcision arguments I have encountered:

A circumcised penis is easier to clean. Just teach your son to retract his foreskin and wash thoroughly. You'll have to help him out when he's an infant, but this seems a minor concern to me. I wouldn't cut off an ear because it is hard to clean.


He should look like his dad. I wonder how often fathers and sons engage in penis-comparing sessions. Maybe when dad shows junior how to use a urinal? Surely, a young child would notice other differences (size, hairiness) before commenting on the status of their foreskins. Is this really a major concern for people?

He'll be teased in the locker room. Maybe this was true once, but not anymore. About 50% of American boys are circumcised and about 50% are not. It hardly seems likely that not being circumcised will be a tease-worthy offense in the locker rooms of 2025.

It looks better/Girls prefer cut to uncut. I think that cosmetic concerns of this variety should be left up to the person whose junk is being chopped. Just because mommy and daddy think it looks better doesn't mean junior will. If he wants to get snipped when he turns 18, I would not object at all.

Circumcision protects against STDs. Recent studies of HIV transmission in Africa indicate that circumcised men are less likely to contract HIV after having sex with an infected partner than uncircumcised men. Yet, the protection is nowhere near as complete as using a condom. Teach your son to use a condom. It protects against STDs and pregnancy!


Circumcision is a religious/cultural tradition in our family. Well, there's really no arguing with that. Religious rituals are inherently impervious to rational scrutiny, so there's no use in debating them. Needless to say, as an atheist, I have no reason to circumcise my son for religious reasons.

I just haven't heard any arguments that I find compelling enough to make me consider lopping off a piece of my baby's body. Can anyone present me with a more convincing pro-circumcision argument?

Ovarian Cyst Update

We had another ultrasound this morning. Snapdragon looks great — heart rate of 152, wiggling around vigorously, etc. Her skeleton is much more defined than it was a month ago — every bone lit up bright white and her spine and limbs looked much more robust. No wonder her kicks/punches have gotten so strong!

My ovarian cyst is about the same size, but now it has a little node in it. Up until this point, it has been perfectly smooth, but now there is a little bump about .5cm x .5cm on one side of it. The doctors didn't really know what it was, so I'll have to go back in two weeks. If it is the same size, they won't do anything other than check on it regularly, but if it is growing, I will have to have an MRI to try to figure out what is going on.

I have felt pretty calm about this cyst all along because it is most likely benign and not a threat to Snapdragon. It's more annoying than scary. Still, I am glad that Snapdragon is over 24 weeks now. If they find that the cyst is malignant or if it starts causing problems in any other way, there is a chance that she could survive if she had to be born early. Her odds get better every day, which is a great comfort to me.

Medical Study

Today, I had a 3D ultrasound as part of a medical study I'm participating in. The doctors running the study are researching the causes of preterm labor and cervical incompetence by applying pressure to the uterus, taking measurements, and then following moms to see if they can correlate the early measurements with preterm labor.

It was not a big deal. I suppose I am so used to being poked and prodded that I hardly mind. It did involve a vaginal ultrasound and a catheter with a balloon on the end to measure the pressure, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought they would push much harder on my stomach, but it wasn't much more uncomfortable than the pressure from accidentally rolling onto my stomach during the night.

I was supposed to get a 3D ultrasound pic of Snapdragon's face in exchange for participating in the study, but she refused to participate. As she has done at all the other ultrasounds, she stubbornly covered her face with her hands and refused to budge. I think it's possible that she doesn't like the ultrasounds themselves. Perhaps she covers her face in distress when she's getting poked with the wand? I don't know, but I now have an adorable picture of Snapdragon hiding behind her fingers.

Real Kicking

I've been feeling Snapdragon move since week 17, but these last few days have seen a real change. She is obviously getting stronger — I can finally feel her kicks from the outside. This morning, I lay in bed with my hands on my abdomen, feeling her thump away inside. There was no doubt about it.

Yesterday, we went for an ultrasound to check on my cyst and get pictures of Snapdragon's nose and lips. For the first time, I could see her move and feel it at the same time. Very cool.

The ultrasound tech confirmed that Snapdragon is still a girl. Since it is unlikely that a boy could hide his junk for three ultrasounds in a row, I feel like I can now stop fearing that there has been a mistake. We are definitely getting a little girl!

My cyst looks to be about the same size, which is good news. The current plan is to let it stay where it is for now and drain it laparoscopically when Snapdragon is about 6 weeks old (if it hasn't gone away on its own). Since everything looks good, I am cleared to fly to California next week for FB's brother's graduation.

Abortion Doulas

This strikes me as a great idea. Apparently, some doulas in NYC made the decision to support women in all of their reproductive choices and are now attending women during abortions. Since the job of a doula is to act as an informed advocate and provide emotional support for the pregnant woman, there is a lot they can do during an abortion: explain what is going on, answer the woman's questions, and be a friendly face attending to her emotional needs. It seems that this would also free the doctor to do his/her work efficiently and with good concentration, without having to worry that the patient might be afraid or have questions that aren't being addressed.

The author of the article linked above seems to be uncomfortable with the whole idea of abortion doulas, but it sounds like a good idea to me. If I were getting an abortion, I would be happy to have a doula in the operating room with me.

Is Refusing Bed Rest a Crime?

Here's another scary story about pregnant women's bodily autonomy being violated.